the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
