Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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