dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
