dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
