omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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