im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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