i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
