I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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