32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
