Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize