I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
