Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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