spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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