Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
