literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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