Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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