My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
