I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
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You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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