i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
