So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
