Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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