i just made my gag reflex go away.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
