the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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