We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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