Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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