My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize