someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
