haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
