can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
