where am i from again
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
