Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
