do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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