I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
