My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
