It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
