like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
