just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
