yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
