i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
