I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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