Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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