woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
