3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
