I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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