the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
