Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
