quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
