I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
