That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
