can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
