Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
not ubering you a puppy
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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