Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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