1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
