i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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