How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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