I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
