Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
