Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
