6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
