did you get engaged???
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
