no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
