I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
