He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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