Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
