he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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