guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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