The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
