This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
