The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
