I want to walk on stilts...naked
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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