Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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