So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
